Two Roads, diverged

I hear, that at this point in one’s life, I should be standing at a crossroads. I should have offers, and ideas, and plans and I don’t really have any of those things. I thought I’d have so many opportunities and choices I wouldn’t know which to pick. I envisioned racking my brain about where to move, which graduate school to pick, which job to take, how to fit my sofa up the stairs of my fabulous new apartment in Brooklyn, where to spend my last weeks of post-collegiate freedom and perhaps most ridiculously of all – which color those pesky brides maids would be wearing… ugh.

What I do have is a slightly longer, more daunting list. I have a lease that runs out in May. I have impending graduation and no jobs to speak of.  I have loans, lots of ‘em. And I have absolutely not idea what to do about any of it.

My mother, who is less than enthused about my current situation, offers exactly zero help – she can’t be bothered. My sister, eternally optimistic… in a delightfully pessimistic sort of way (you’d have to know her) is sure everything will work out (she’s also worried I’m going to sell out and end up working for the man, I’m sensing) and the rest of my completely insane family either a) thinks I’m “lazy”, because they haven’t attempted a conversation with me since I was sixteen, or b) aren’t convinced I’m actually going to graduate in May.

Thanks guys.

And the most ludicrous thing of all -  I have been building up this celebration in my head for a long time now, all the while thinking it the perfect time to introduce whatshisfuckingname to my extended family, to bring him in, to make him one of us. And now I’ll be going it alone.

Outstanding.

It’s only a matter of time until the real freaking out starts.